What does this word mean to you?
To some, this word means nothing. To others this is an
evil, ugly word that they would rather not talk about. And to few, this word mean a lot to them.
I was watching a Hallmark movie that I had recorded this week,
Front of the class. In the movie the parents are divorced and the dad has his two children in the car and is trying to explain to them he is seeing someone. He says " how would you like to have a step mom?" The one boy responds "I already have a mom" Dad responds with.. "well you're going to have two!"
This is happening more and more in today's families, and coming from a divorced family, let me tell you it sucks. I don't think it matters what age you are, it still is a hard thing to cope with.
I was seven when my parents divorced. It was rough. Rachel Larkins (now Marshman) was the person I went to. Funny, because we were only in second grade. I can remember crying in class and her telling me it was going to be alright. Who would have known... she was right!
My mom had a boyfriend shortly after. Things were great at first, but he was strict. We had to have manners around him, and you bet we had to do good in school. To jump to the point, in a eight year old prospective, I hated him. There were rules, and there were consequences for breaking those rules.
I look back at that time now, and I am
SOO thankful for Jim. He was the one who kept our house under control, he was the one who taught me manners and respect. When he spoke, you listened and you knew he meant business. He is a very successful man with his own family now, so he must have know what he was talking about.
I think I was 10 when my dad married Nancy. I too didn't care for her much. Who did she think she was coming in trying to take
MY dad and be
MY mom. I had a mom. There was no way I was going to like this lady. She was taking my dad from me. I remember the day of their wedding. It took everything I had in my not to yell something, anything, when the pastor asked if anyone objected. I laugh now, how foolish of me. At the age of 10 all you see is yourself, not others. At that age and for several years, I couldn't see how happy she made my dad, how much better his life was now with her in it. They had a baby a year after being married. This made things even worse. Great! Now I have a little sister I have to share my time with. Now I need to fight for attention from a baby. As a child, these are all things I constantly thought of, these are all the things that brought me down and made me worry. But the truth is, I had NO reason to worry, or to even think about these things. But, these things happen to me for a reason.
Things happen for a reason, God has a plan, I truly believe this. Nancy has been heaven sent, not only for my dad but also for me. Without her I don't know what I would have done in many situations. When I am having a bad day, she is the one I call. When I need advice, she is the one I go to. She is my mom, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Over the years my own mother and I haven't seen eye to eye. I have see her true colors and I am not a big fan. Without Nancy this would mean I have no one, But because of her, I don't have to worry about this. She is the one Logan calls Grandma. She is the one I lean on for everything.
If you have not gotten bored, you are probably wondering why am I writing this. Well, that's because my life in one aspect has come FULL circle. I too am a step mom now. I am that
BIG, UGLY, EVIL word that Kohl thinks of when he looks at me.
It is a horrible feeling. Being a step mom you at times feel so lost and out of place. When you a step mom you see things in a different way. You kind of are outside the bubble looking in. Even though you are married to this child's parent, it still doesn't give you the right to change what you think could be better. Picture a soccer game that everyone is in ( mother, child, father) but you are sitting on the sidelines, mute. You can wave you hands, try to make loud gestures, they can see you and they know what your trying to say, but you are ignored. This is sometimes how I feel. I try to take all my life's experiences and use them, but they just aren't working. I will never give up, that is for sure. But how do you explain to and eight year old, yes you are his
step mom, but you will
NEVER replace his mother or have any intentions of doing so. When you are step parent you have more boundaries than you would with your own child. At times it is hard to know those boundaries and also not to cross them. I have rules, I am strict, I want my children to have respect and manners. Yes, I probably got this from Jim, but to me this is a good quality to have. At this point the only thing I can hope and pray for is for Kohl to one day understand that I love him more than anything, I love him like my own, I will always be here for him, and for him one day be proud to call me his step mom just like I am proud to call Nancy my mom.
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