“When the apple is ready, it will fall from the tree” ~

According to my dad this is something my Grandma always said. Although, I find truth in this, I have having a hard time with it at the moment. What is the tree is ready to let go of the apple? What is the tree wants to see the apple be apart from it and see it shine as one and not being “connected” to the tree. Why am I sitting here comparing myself to a darn tree.. ugh! I am at that point in my pregnancy that I feel defeated. I feel like I have been fighting to keep it together for nine months and now I am physically and emotionally ready to give up.

I know that this is supposed to be a joyous time in our lives and I should enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, especially since it will be my last, but I am having a hard time today. My patience with Logan dwindle with each day and I HATE that I get so frustrated with him. He probably thinks I am one looney person  crying for no reason or when the only thing I am mad about it that ALL of his toys are spread across my living floor again and I have to crawl around to pick them up. It takes so much energy to do the little things and that is driving me nuts.  I am really trying to be patient and I know that I am not in control of this situation but I want to see my little girl.

This is going to sound really bad, but I am only 36.2 weeks pregnant. So there is no reason why I should be complaining now. I should have at least waiting a week. After going to my ultrasound appointment on Tues and finding out that she is already weighing 7lbd 9oz made me a little anxious. I really DO NOT want to push out a 9-10lb kid. That really just doesn’t sound fun to me and frankly I like my woohoo is one piece. I don’t want to have to call Dr. 90210 to fix my privates because I gave birth to a 12lb kid. Yes, I know that people have 10lb babies all the time. Remember I worked in Labor and Delivery, I was there, I saw them give birth, and power to them, but that is NOT my cup of tea…. No thank you.

so, plan of action from here. I am now a good 3-4cm and 60% effaced so I have my next apt on Tuesday and my doc is going to strip my membranes and hope that puts me in labor. Regardless we are going to schedule an amino for wed. or Thurs. to see if her lungs are mature. If they are, we shall induce, if not, we wait a week and induce.  So yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. But for someone like me who is very impatient… I would like to be on the other side of that tunnel right now looking back.

The joys of being a woman. . . Ha! Just give me a couple weeks and I will have a post complaining about all the NON sleep I am getting due to having a newborn in the house. Nothing can be worse than Logan, so bring it on, I am ready!!